Mark's Thoughts / Sasha's Thoughts

The Waiting Game

My heart had nearly stopped when I saw the email, but now it was pounding so hard. What was Sasha going to write to me about? Was it going to be long, short, simple, profound, easy to read, or barely literate? I had no idea! Was it going to be about me or just a random hello?

Well... here is what it said...

It was simple and sweet! Perfect! I was so excited just to hear from her. I just loved that she was reading Ecclesiastes, and I couldn't believe she spelled it correctly. Seeing how God was working in her life and seeing her concern for others and the ministries was incredible. It is amazing how you really can learn so much about a person in just a few short words.

I immediately shot back a lengthy response email. After all, I needed to tell her that I had not left on my trip for Mexico yet! Right? The thought that something might actually happen between us was too much to take. I needed to talk to someone about it all. So I went to Pastor Ron to ask for his advise. It all sounded a little crazy to him as well, but he was supportive and told me to keep our conversations centered around Christ. That is still to this day the best advice I have ever received.

So I decided to see where things would go. I spent a lot of time in prayer about it. I knew that if anything was ever going to happen between us it would only be by the grace of God. As well, I didn't even want to think about starting anything between us if it wasn't what God wanted for our lives. The last thing that I wanted was to hurt her or break her heart in some way, so I began to pray that God would guard her heart. Additionally, I didn't want things to go bad and cause problems between our churches and cultures because "the guy that came as a missionary was hitting on one of our girls." There were about 3 million things that could go wrong with the whole situation, and I still had absolutely no idea how to go about any of it. I still had no idea if things were ever going to move beyond the first email.

Three days after receiving that first email I left on my mission trip to Mexico with Cornerstone Church. I still had not received a second email from Sasha, and all through my trip I was craving to get home and check my email. Upon returning home I immediately turned on my computer to check for a message from Sasha. I was so excited to see what she had to say in response to the email I had sent her.

Nothing.

There was nothing. I was so disheartened. For the first time I realized that emails were not going to work between us. I realized that Sasha does not check her email 100 times a day like I do. I also realized that typing in a foreign language is much, much more difficult than speaking in a foreign language. That meant that the only way this thing would ever work would be if we were talking on the phone. The problem with that is again the cost.

As I prayed about it I realized that if I wanted to make things work I was going to need to spend the money and make some phone calls. Curiously, I noticed an advertisement for Yahoo Messenger's PC-to-Phone service on an email a friend had sent me. I looked into it, and I found out that I could call Sasha's mobile phone from my computer, and it would cost almost nothing compared to the standard rate! Awesome! Praise You GOD!!!

The next day I sent Sasha another long email, and at the end of the email I asked for her phone number.

Days went by, and I still had not received any response. I was starting to get really agitated, and I started to think that maybe I really had gone crazy.

On October 18th, I once again woke up to thoughts of Sasha. This time however was a little different. Before, it was the fear of actually trying, but this time I was willing and had no way to talk with her. Even worse, allowing myself to actually hope in a relationship had only made my feelings for Sasha stronger.

I checked my email, and there was nothing.

Sad and depressed I started to take my shower and began praying. This prayer was different from the first. The first was anger and fear. This prayer was pleading and desperation. Once again my body began to shake uncontrollably. I begged for God to just kill my feelings for Sasha and let me get on with my normal life. Yet, at the same time I started to pray that God would somehow give me a chance to talk with her if he really wanted all of this to happen. I was finally willing but simply didn't have the means. I got out of the shower thinking that it was all over. At least it would make for a good laugh someday. "HA HA!!! Mark tried to date someone on the other side of the world!"

Breakfast tasted pretty bland that morning. It was as if all the flavor had been sucked out of my life. Sitting down to my computer I opened my email account.

And there it was... the second letter...

My whole body shuttered, and my breathing tightened. I could NOT believe what I was seeing. I just sat there staring at this unopened email. I couldn't open it. I sat there for what was a least 15 minutes staring at that unopened email. All I could do was keep praying that this was not just one more tease to set me up for another heartbreak. It was too much.

Subtly... in the quite of the morning, "It's ok Mark. You can trust Me with this."

It is a beautiful thing when the Lord speaks to your heart.

I opened the email to find one of the most beautiful letters a had ever read. At the bottom of the email, was a phone number! Thank you ...thank you Lord.

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